


more than you could ever know

by fandomfan13



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F, Friends With Benefits
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:35:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21895246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomfan13/pseuds/fandomfan13
Summary: "Alex’s breath catches as Maggie’s warm breath fans across her collarbone. She sees it in her head: the huge creature sliding within the crevices in her chest, that same constricting grip insensibly claiming hold of her heart."FWB relationships are complicated. Alex learns exactly how much when a snowstorm forces Maggie to spend Christmas with her and their friends on campus.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer
Comments: 27
Kudos: 76
Collections: Secret Sanvers | A Sanvers Winter Holiday 2019 Event





	more than you could ever know

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ladi_Dadi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ladi_Dadi/gifts).



> Merry Christmas, Keysha! Hope you like this first chapter! 
> 
> This is totally different from anything I've ever written before, but it got in my head and had a mind of it's own..

  
Alex has always been a light sleeper. That much hasn’t changed over the years. 

Before, she blamed Kara - she found it ironic how the Kryptonian with super-hearing had less trouble sleeping than Alex. Then in college, her noisy freshman roommate who always stayed out late and would stumble into their room in the middle of the night, drunk and rambling about her latest hook up.

Sophomore year was not much better. Though rooming with Lena was a definite improvement, the other girl was the morning person that Alex was not. 

Once she started her junior year and got her own bedroom, thank god, she figured she had her chance to finally get some good sleep. 

And then came Maggie. 

“Oh, shit.” 

There are slow movements at her side, the sound of shuffling blankets breaking the still morning air. The bed is deliciously warm, despite the crisp winter chill permeating the bedroom. 

A part of her wonders what time it is. Her limbs are heavy, both with sleep and fatigue. The ache in her bones, though not unexpected, tells her it is still much too early to be awake. 

She won’t open her eyes. Nope. Her finals are done. Her break has officially begun and nothing will get her out of this bed before she has to.

The person beside her stills, and for a blissful moment Alex hangs on the edge between sleep and consciousness, waiting to drift off once again. 

“Shit, shit, shit.” 

The bed dips harshly at her side. The blankets cocooning her are yanked out of place, exposing her bare body to the morning air. A squeak follows, with a definitive thump of something solid landing on the floor. 

Alright, then.

Surrendering to her fate, Alex pries her eyes open, still sticky with sleep, to find the unmistakable, if blurry, sight of Maggie Sawyer’s bare ass scrambling to her feet from a mass of tangled blankets. 

“Whasgoinon?”

Maggie spins around sharply, eyes wide. She takes in Alex drowsily rubbing at her eyes and her expression turns sheepish. “Did I wake you?”

Alex nods. 

“I’m sorry, go back to sleep.” she says in a whisper, as if the hushed tone will lull Alex back into slumber. 

As Maggie spins on the spot, frantically searching the room for her clothes, her movements take on a panicked edge. 

Alex blinks away the remnants of drowsiness, concern settling in its place. “You okay?”

Maggie squeaks a soft noise of triumph as she swipes her underwear from Alex’s desk. “I’m so fucking late for my final. I forgot to set my alarm.”

“I thought your final was this afternoon.” 

“Yeah, for Psych.” Maggie replies, nearly toppling over as she goes for her jeans. They’re inside out, only one leg pulled in the right direction as Maggie forces her foot through the other leg. “My Criminology final -” Maggie freezes mid-sentence, expression clearing in realization. 

Alex shakes her head, flopping onto her pillow with a sigh as she reaches the same conclusion. “- was yesterday.” 

Maggie sighs too, letting her pants drop. “I’m so stupid.” 

“You always do that,” Alex grunts. She throws an arm over her eyes. “How are you so smart but so mindless?” 

With a huff, Maggie kicks her pants aside and retakes her spot on Alex’s bed. “Shut up. I was dreaming about the test. I woke up thinking about it.” 

Alex lifts her arm to glare at Maggie, hyperaware of the brunette’s current state of undress beside her now that they’re both awake. As familiar as it is, it never fails to get her blood boiling. “What time is it, anyway?” 

“Almost nine.” 

Alex’s jaw drops. “Maggie,” she whines. 

Maggie chuckles at the pathetic tone. “I’m sorry. I was panicking.” 

Alex huffs, grabbing at the blankets pooling at her ankles and pulling them over her head. “You’re the worst.” 

Something, a pillow presumably, whacks her on the shoulder. “Stop being dramatic. It’s a perfectly respectable time to wake up.” 

“Not when we were awake until almost four.” 

“And whose fault was that?” 

Alex peeks from beneath the blankets, narrowing her eyes at Maggie accusingly. “The person who decided to, and I quote, test the effects of oxytocin on information retention capabilities in an overstimulated brain.” 

Maggie grins. She ignores the sarcastic pitch in her voice as she bats her eyelashes at Alex. “It’s so much hotter when you say it though.” 

Alex shoves at her shoulder, fighting a grin of her own. “Get out of my dorm.” 

Maggie gasps, playfully indignant. “You wouldn’t throw out your favorite fuck buddy, would you?” 

“You’re my only fuck buddy.” Alex says, deadpan. 

Maggie wags her eyebrows. “All the more reason.” 

With a scowl, Alex burrows into the blankets and rolls to turn her back on Maggie. “Goodbye, Maggie.” 

“Nooo,” Maggie tugs on her shoulder and, in an unexpected move, scoots in and tucks herself into Alex’s side. “Give me cuddles before I have to go finish packing.” 

“Oh, now she wants to cuddle. But when I suggested taking a study break to -” 

“Shhh,” Maggie places a finger over Alex’s lips, not bothering to look as she does and nearly shoving it up her nose. “It’s cold. Cuddles now, lecture later.” 

Alex chuckles fondly. “Then get under the blanket, you dork.” 

Maggie whines softly in complaint, but lets Alex reshuffle them beneath the covers as she nestles her head in the crook of Alex’s neck. 

Exquisite warmth spreads beneath the blankets as Maggie settles in Alex’s arms. For someone of her stature, she’s always exuded a ridiculous amount of heat. Alex finds it comforting now, whereas in the early days of - well, whatever this is - the excessive warmth would keep her up, torn between tossing the blankets aside or pushing Maggie onto her own side of the bed. 

Not that it was ever much of a choice. Their nights always ended with Alex in a vice grip, the strength in Maggie’s arms ensnaring Alex in her embrace like a snake surrounding its prey, coiling and tightening until she had no choice but to surrender. 

“Mmm, better.” Maggie breathes. 

Alex’s breath catches as Maggie’s warm breath fans across her collarbone. She sees it in her head: the huge creature sliding within the crevices in her chest, that same constricting grip insensibly claiming hold of her heart. 

As fitting as it feels, part of her rejects the analogy - if only for the inherent victimization. Prey that lends itself to predator is equally guilty of the results. She’s no stranger to the provisions in their arrangement: casual sex, with no exclusivity attached, for as long as it doesn’t affect their friendship. 

If she gets herself bitten, it’s no one’s fault but her own. 

Breathing through the familiar ache, Alex focuses instead on the feeling of Maggie’s skin beneath her hands as she traces long sweeps down the brunette’s spine. 

“What time are you leaving today?” Alex asks quietly. 

“Right after my exam.” Maggie responds, just as softly. A calming lull has settled over them, reminiscent of many of their post-coital moments. Maggie rests a hand low on Alex’s abdomen, blunt nails scratching absently at the other woman’s navel. It takes most of Alex’s control not to let herself shiver at the touch. “If I don’t make it to my aunt’s by tonight, she’ll stick me with dish duty for the week and I really don’t want to spend my holidays with pruney hands.” 

Alex twirls a lock of Maggie’s hair around her finger, watching how the dark strands impress a winding spiral around the appendage. “You know... if you stay, then there’s no risk of anything.” 

“Only the risk of damnation.” Maggie snorts. “Hell hath no fury like a middle-aged Catholic woman scorned.” 

“Missing Christmas high up on the list of sins, is it?” 

“Right up there with pre-marital lesbian sex.” 

They laugh, their bodies shaking against each other in their shared mirth. Alex shifts, shuffling down to settle at eye level with Maggie on the pillow. She catches the last of Maggie’s laughter on her face, the prominent crease of her dimples making Alex’s stomach flip pleasantly. Maggie’s eyes flit across Alex’s face, her expression softening as she reaches to smooth back an errant lock of hair dangling over Alex’s forehead.

The words are out of Alex’s mouth before she can even think to stop them. “I wish you were staying.” 

Maggie’s mouth curves into a smile, nose wrinkling adorably. “You’ll have fun with the others. You won’t even notice I’m gone.” 

Alex’s eyes fall to her lips, watching them bend and twist to the will of Maggie’s words, her tongue slipping along the seam as if to taste the reassurance. Unwittingly Alex mirrors the gesture, licking her own lips, mouth inexplicably dry. “I doubt it.” 

When their gazes meet again, Maggie’s eyes burn with the same heat coursing through Alex’s chest - but there is a wistfulness in Maggie’s expression that hadn’t been there before. In that look, Alex sees the creature rearing its head, fangs bared for its next strike. She feels herself tense, her body preparing for that next hit. 

But she has learned the signs now. She’s learned to retreat before the bite. 

“There won’t be anyone hogging my bed, for one.” Alex sneaks a hand beneath the covers and pokes at Maggie’s side with one deliberate finger, right where she knows the girl is ticklish. 

Maggie laughs, squirming away at the sensation. “And you’ll be deprived of my sexual wonders for a whole week. However will you survive?” 

Alex rolls her eyes. True, she thinks dejectedly. Instead she shrugs, and purely for the sake of Maggie’s reaction says, “Maybe I’ll get Nyssa to come keep me warm.” 

As expected, Maggie groans in disgust. “Anyone but that bitch.” 

Alex laughs. She had never fully understood the dislike Maggie and Nyssa held for each other, but it never stopped her from poking fun at Maggie if she got the chance. 

Sometimes, during her wildest daydreams, Alex lets herself wonder if she might have anything to do with the animosity between them -- but no, Maggie doesn’t even know what happened between her and Nyssa. They had only started sleeping together a few weeks later. With Maggie already vocal about her aversion towards Nyssa, Alex hadn’t seen the point of mentioning the transgression. 

“How about Sara then?” Alex jokes. “I hear she and Ava have been looking for a third.” 

Maggie scowls. The hint of a dimple on her left cheek eases any worries of Alex going too far. They both know she’s joking.

“How about…” Maggie pushes the covers away and rolls over Alex in one swift movement, sliding a knee between Alex’s legs as she pins her wrists to the bed. The air rushes out of Alex’s lungs as Maggie fixes her with a look, eyes smoldering. “I fuck you right now to hold you over, and you wait until I come back?” 

Alex opens her mouth to speak, her words lost in a gasp as Maggie latches her lips onto the pounding pulse on her neck. “You s-sound very c-confident.” 

Maggie hums. She trails scorching kisses down Alex’s neck, the heat of her mouth a sharp contrast to the frigid air surrounding them. Alex moans breathlessly, hands clenching where Maggie has them pinned to the bed. 

“I am.” 

Maggie swoops down and takes Alex’s lips in a deep kiss. Her head spins, dizzy with both the weight of Maggie’s kisses and the sudden turn in their conversation. She wants to slow down, to give her brain time to catch up to her body that burns with every touch of Maggie’s fingers. 

The hand trailing across her stomach chases all coherent thoughts away as Maggie finds her nipple, pinching and rolling it between two fingers as she bends to take the other into her mouth. 

“Jesus, Mags.” she hisses, tangling a sloppy hand in Maggie’s hair. Pleasure rockets down Alex’s spine, her stomach clenching with arousal. Her hips twitch beneath Maggie, searching for any relief to the ache between her thighs. “Do you even have time for this right now?” 

Maggie releases the nipple with a wet pop. She lets Alex pull her in by the back of her head for a filthy kiss, groaning when Alex’s tongue immediately slips into her mouth. “I always have time for this.” she purrs between kisses. 

Alex groans softly when Maggie settles into the cradle of her hips, back arching into the slow grind Maggie sets with her hips. Her hands glide down Maggie’s back, sliding beneath the waistband of her underwear to grip at her ass as they rock together. 

“Strap-on?” Maggie asks breathlessly. 

“W-we didn’t - oh,” Alex gasps as she feels fingers swipe at her clit. “We didn’t wash it last night.” 

Maggie tuts reproachfully. “Shame.” She swirls her fingers over Alex’s clit as she kisses down Alex’s body, finding her perch between her thighs. Alex watches, mesmerized by the sultry look in Maggie’s dark eyes, as one thigh is hooked over a strong shoulder, then the other. “I guess you’ll be coming in my mouth instead.” 

Alex’s head falls back with a throaty groan at the first swipe of Maggie’s tongue against her folds. 

She’ll mention Nyssa more often if it guarantees her this reaction every time. 

* * *

Maggie leaves her a few hours later with a frantic kiss to her cheek and a hasty, “Catch you later, Danvers” thrown over her shoulder. They had definitely stayed in bed longer than was warranted, not that Alex could complain. 

With Maggie’s exit, Alex is left alone to her own thoughts, body still buzzing in the aftermath of her orgasms. As much as she would love to play it cool and go on with her day, she agonizes over Maggie’s earlier words as she lays in bed, engulfed in the lingering smell of sex and Maggie’s shampoo. 

_ How about you wait till I come back?  _

_ Everyone says things in the heat of the moment _ , she reminds herself, gaze fixed on the overhead light. 

But Maggie is always careful with her, with  _ them _ . She is always measured with her words. Maggie never says anything she doesn’t mean. 

Not even in jest had Maggie ever said that before in eight months of sleeping together. 

Alex groans, rubbing harshly at her forehead with the heels of her hands as if the gesture itself could erase her jumbled thoughts. 

She needs to talk this out with someone. A third unbiased party. Someone familiar with the situation who could listen and tell her if she was overthinking. Someone who wouldn’t sugarcoat. 

That description only means one person. 

Alex frowns. 

**x-x-x**

Alex walks into the dining hall for lunch, finding her friends huddled in a corner table in what appears to be a long-standing argument, their plates shoved haphazardly to the side. She spots Kara’s outrageously colorful sweater almost as soon as she steps through the door.

“The third one is good.” Kara is saying adamantly. 

“It’s the fourth one that sucks.” Winn agrees. 

Alex comes up behind Kara, squeezing her sister’s shoulders in greeting. Kara turns to give Alex a quick, but bright smile, before turning back to the argument at hand. A quick look around the table shows Winn wearing a different, yet equally hideous, blue sweater with dancing menorahs across his chest. 

“What the hell are you guys wearing?” Alex asks, plucking at Kara’s neckline. “I thought these were for tomorrow.” 

“It’s never too early for holiday sweaters.” Winn says brightly. 

“Winn, focus.” Kara says, tapping at the notebook in front of her. “We need to decide between these two.” 

“They both suck, Kara.” Lucy states, exasperated. 

Kara and Winn gasp, identical looks of betrayal crossing their faces. Lucy rolls her eyes as James snorts beside her, shaking his head into his salad. 

“What sucks?” Alex peers over Kara’s shoulder. An itemized list spans the whole length of the page, written in what looks like an array of multicolored ink, following a title capitalized in bright, bold letters: CHRISTMAS MOVIE NIGHT. 

Uh oh. 

Lucy points a finger at Alex. “Alex, take a vote. Home Alone 3 or Die Hard  _ 2 _ for tomorrow night?” 

Alex makes a face. “Why are we watching sequels?” 

“You don’t want to start that conversation again.” James warns with a grin. 

“Lucy -” Kara says her name accusingly, pouting at said woman from across the table. Lucy sticks her tongue out at her. “- wants to make us watch all the Die Hard movies.” 

“They’re classics!” 

“Action movies don’t count as Christmas movies!” Winn and Kara exclaim, oddly in sync. 

Alex chuckles, sharing an amused grin with James. “They’ve been at this a while, huh?” 

“Be grateful you just got here.” James replies knowingly. 

“Just vote, Danvers.” Lucy snaps her fingers impatiently. “And no, you can’t say ‘neither’.” she adds when Alex opens her mouth to respond.

Kara looks up at Alex, blue eyes round and pleading behind her glasses. She’s about ten seconds away from going full Danvers Pout, and though Alex isn’t usually one to deny her sister, she’s well aware that Kara’s love for cheesy movies knows no bounds.

Alex grimaces, placing a conciliatory hand on Kara’s shoulder. 

“Ha!” Lucy shouts, victorious. 

“Alex,” Kara whines as Winn groans beside her. 

“Sorry, Kar.” Alex chuckles, dropping a kiss to the top of Kara’s head in apology. 

“That’s still an even split.” Winn perks up in his seat. “No one wins.” 

Kara holds up a finger as she searches through her phone. “No wait, Lena voted with us earlier.” 

“You texted Lena during her lab final?” Alex asks, eyeing her sister reproachfully. 

Kara blushes, shifting awkwardly under Alex’s stare as she adjusts her glasses. “This is important!” 

Lucy snatches the phone from her hand, ignoring Kara’s indignant squawk. “Lena said she doesn’t care. That’s not a yes.” 

“It’s not a no either!” 

James sits up, placing a calming hand on Lucy’s arm as the brunette growls in aggravation. “Maggie hasn’t voted yet. She can be the deciding vote.” 

Alex’s heart drops at the mention of Maggie. Her eyes fall on Lucy, reminded of why she came down here in the first place. 

“I thought Maggie wasn’t staying.” Winn says. 

“Yeah, she’s ditching the Shitty Parents Club this year.” Lucy replies mournfully. 

Alex rolls her eyes good-naturedly. They made quite a bunch between Maggie’s homophobic parents, Lena and Winn’s criminal family history, Lucy’s overbearing father and Alex’s strained relationship with Eliza. Lucy had dubbed them the Shitty Parents Club at the start of the semester once they realized most of the group was choosing to stay behind for the holidays to avoid their families. 

Only James and Kara had purposely chosen to stay. Though Kara insists her decision had been out of solidarity, Alex has the distinct feeling Kara’s choice to spend Christmas on campus had more to do with her growing infatuation with one of their friends. She just hasn’t figured out if Kara’s taste is more brawns or brains. 

“Well, if she’s not staying then she can’t vote.” Kara says stubbornly. 

“I know,” Winn rolls his eyes. “But we still need…”

As the discussion continues, Alex takes advantage of their momentary distraction and makes her way around the table to Lucy. “Can I talk to you for a sec?” she murmurs quietly, squeezing at Lucy’s shoulder to get her attention. 

Lucy glances up, frowning at the serious look on Alex’s face. “Yeah, sure.” She stands, letting Alex lead the way towards the food stations across the room. 

“Bring me back some ice cream!” Winn shouts after them. 

“Oh, me too!” Kara adds. 

“Get it yourself, freshmen.” Lucy throws over her shoulder. 

Alex’s mind whirrs as they make their way across the room. She’s not even sure how to broach the subject now that she’s got Lucy’s attention. She hasn’t gotten in the habit of discussing this part of her life with anyone. 

She and Maggie had agreed to keep their relationship, for lack of better terms, mostly between them, knowing how complications could arise with more people in the know. Yet Lucy had figured out what was happening within a week of their first night together. 

She had turned out to be a surprisingly good source of advice. Alex doesn’t turn to her often, since advice from Lucy tends to come with public heckling and a week’s worth of innuendos. For this, though, she’s willing to brave the consequences. 

She orders a burger from the grill station, noticing for the first time how hungry she is. Had she and Maggie eaten dinner last night? 

Lucy pounces as soon as she’s done ordering. 

“Okay, what’s up? You look like you’re hiding a body somewhere.” 

Alex chews at her lip, wondering not for the first time if she should even bother bringing this up. “I wanted to get your opinion on something.” 

Lucy raises her eyebrows. 

“About Maggie.” she finishes, bracing herself. 

“Oh? Is there something going on between you and Maggie?” Lucy’s tone drips with sarcasm, a grin twitching at the corners of her lips. 

“Lucy...” 

“I mean, you  _ never  _ want to talk about it so -” 

“I’m serious.” Alex says, a hint of a whine in her voice. 

Lucy chuckles. “What’s got your panties in a twist? If you’re even wearing them, that is.” 

Heat rushes to her face. Part of her already regrets this. “She stayed over last night -” 

“Duh.” 

Alex glowers, but ignores the jibe. “Anyway - this morning we were in bed and whatever and she kind of…” She trails off, words failing. 

“Spit it out, Danvers.” Lucy urges, impatient. 

Alex runs a hand through her hair, expelling her anxiety with a harsh breath. The sight of Lucy sobering at her agitation brings her a new sense of calm. “She asked me to wait for her until she gets back.” 

Lucy’s brow furrows. “Wait for what?” But Alex just throws her a look, and comprehension dawns. “Ahh.  _ Wait _ wait for her.” 

“Yeah.” Alex sighs, eyes glued to her fingers as they pick at the hem of her sweater. “She’s never said that before.” 

“And you can’t tell if that means anything.” Lucy finishes sagely. She tilts her head, considering. “I mean, Alex, if she asked you to be exclusive after all this time -”

“No, no, it wasn’t like that.” Alex blurts. “Just, like, for now. For this break. I was messing with her this morning. I said I’d go out with Nyssa while she was gone.” 

Lucy snorts. “That must’ve gone well.” 

“Yeah,” Alex laughs lightly. “I was kidding, obviously. But she, um, asked me to wait.” 

“And by how hard you’re blushing right now, I’m guessing she had a few means of convincing you.” 

Alex rolls her eyes, though her face reddens as flashes of that morning spark in her memory. She watches the cook flatten burgers on the grill, juices bleeding from the meat under the weight of the spatula. “I don’t want to read anything more than there is, but...”

Lucy makes a face, leaning back to rest against the countertop. “I don’t know what to tell you, Alex. Maggie’s…” She sighs, expression pinching in exasperation. “Difficult, to say the least.” There’s a moment of silence as they share a knowing look before Lucy adds, “I told you  _ both  _ this was a bad idea. Someone always gets attached and then it blows up in your face.” 

Alex scowls. “It’s not blowing up in anyone’s face. I’m just asking -” 

“And I’m  _ saying _ ,” Lucy replies pointedly. “I don’t want you getting your hopes up for something that probably won’t happen. I know you’re hung up on her, but -”

“I’m not hung up on her,” Alex lies defensively. “I was just curious, Lucy. Jesus.” 

Lucy has a gift for getting to the heart of the matter. It’s what makes her a good friend to confide in: she just gets it, without Alex having to explain. Lucy’s already hit the nail on the head with this one, but it feels more like she’s grating at an old scar and left the skin around it raw, exposed. 

Lucy smiles sadly. The patronizing look in her eyes sets Alex’s teeth on edge. 

“Just be careful, okay?” Lucy murmurs. “This is complicated on both ends. I love you both, but -” 

“What do you mean on both ends?” Alex asks. “What has she been telling you?” 

For once, Lucy looks cornered. Her mouth opens and closes, words failing. 

“Here you go!” 

Her saving grace comes in the form of the cook handing Alex her burger. Alex smiles her thanks as she accepts the plate, clasping her free hand around Lucy’s wrist, Lucy’s urge to flee almost palpable. 

Alex needs more time. Her eyes scan the dining hall and finally fall on the ice cream machine a few stations down. 

“Help me with Kara’s ice cream.” It’s much more a demand than a request as she drags an unwilling Lucy with her to the dessert station. 

Alex takes a bowl for herself and hands one to Lucy, urging her to speak with a pointed look. 

“Give me a break, Alex,” Lucy pleads as they take turns with the machine. “She’s my roommate. I’m stuck in the middle here.” 

Alex sighs, the truth in Lucy’s words slumping her shoulders. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” 

Lucy glances at Alex, hesitating, her lips pressed together. “For what it’s worth,” she starts slowly. “And please,” She pauses for emphasis. “Take this with a grain of salt.” 

Alex nods. Her gaze zeroes in on the toppings she’s mindlessly pouring into Kara’s bowl, but she has every ounce of her senses focused on Lucy. Her heart is pounding against her ribcage, despite how hard she’s working at keeping a straight face.

“I don’t think it’s entirely one sided.” Lucy admits quietly. “I don’t know to what extent. God knows getting Maggie to talk is like pulling teeth, but…” She shakes her head. “Whatever. Just be careful.”

“I know what I’m doing.” Alex replies, annoyed. “This won’t ever be anything real, I know that.” Just saying it sends a painful pang to her heart. “How I feel doesn’t matter.” 

“Alex,” Lucy says, incredulous. “What you feel is kind of the whole point. All I meant is...” She pauses, searching for words. “It’s been, what - eight months? I don’t think it can just be you in this. You just need to talk to her. Clear this up, if you really think there could be something. But,” Her voice hardens, emphasizing the condition. “Be careful how much you invest in this. I don’t want to see either of you getting hurt.”

Silverware clinks against stainless steel as Lucy scoops toppings into her own bowl. Alex lets her words sink in, an odd mix of elation and dread making her stomach churn. She’s not very hungry anymore. 

“She doesn’t want a relationship, Luce.” Her heart feels heavy even as she says it. “That was rule number one when we started this.” 

“Things aren’t always so black and white.” Lucy says wisely. Then, as an afterthought, “God, why am I involved in this again?” 

Alex’s lips twitch into a smile, despite her growing heartache. “Because your roommate and your best friend started sleeping together. You’re bound by natural law.”

Lucy huffs, taking a frustrated lick out of the top of Winn’s ice cream. “Right.” 

Alex sighs heavily. She has no better clue how to proceed with this, but at least one thing is clear. “She’s leaving for a week. As much as I want her to stay, I think I’m kind of relieved.” 

Lucy opens her mouth to respond, but a booming voice cuts off her next words. 

“Are you milking cows over there?” Kara says loudly, Winn guffawing beside her. “What the heck is taking so long?” 

A few people turn their heads. Their moment undeniably broken, they grab spoons from the dispenser and start making their way back to the table.

“You’re right.” Lucy finally whispers, oddly serious. “I think the week apart will do you good.”

The urge to follow up with another question loses out as they arrive at the table and Kara takes both ice cream bowls from their hands. The moment is lost.

She settles into her seat and grabs a knife to cut her burger down the middle. It crumbles as she pulls the two halves apart, the charred corners of the patty leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. 

**Author's Note:**

> Tried to keep the angst to a minimum for Christmas's sake, but this fic was also supposed to be a once shot and yet here we are. But there's a lot more fluff to come!


End file.
